"if you don't mind, it doesn't matter."

I rarely do things halfway. I'm a perfectionist to a fault, and this carries on to some areas where some would probably consider it unnecessary. One of these areas happens to be in online multi-player games. I do everything I can to self-educate so that I know as much (if not more) than the average player.

Last night, I became aware that that didn't really matter. I had always known that my knowledge was considered inferior, and I dread people hearing my voice for the first time, because as soon as people find out I'm not a man or boy, what I say means less. This is especially difficult when trying to get people to cooperate with me.

Never will I forget a few weeks ago when I told someone that his information was wrong and what we were doing was inefficient. The boy, after I told him (quite politely, in my opinion, although my tone was maybe less than ideal considering I wasn't really being listened to) that he was misinformed, quickly called me a, "cunt that didn't know anything." Things like this have been happening for as long as I can remember, and I don't know as there is any girl who would disagree. I am lucky enough to have a couple of guys who will back me up when no one listens to me, but why should they have to? I shouldn't need my husband or a couple of friends that I know in real life to have to repeat what I say before ten other men listen to me. It is absolutely infuriating, and leaves me feeling inadequate when what I say ten times is only listened to when my husband finally says it once.

People complain all the day about the lack of girls who play video games; still others say that girls don't play them simply because they aren't interested. With experiences like this, I can't say that it's hard to imagine why girls aren't interested. Why would you willingly put yourself into a situation where you were treated as a second-class citizen? What does it say about that particular subculture? I don't know if it's because they feel threatened by a girl telling them what to do, if it emasculates them, if it makes them feel like they could do an inherently better job just because they aren't a girl. All I know is that, too often, it is really hard for me to defend my dearest hobby just because of the toxic environment I put myself in to enjoy it.